You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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