Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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