You're so nebulous sometimes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
