i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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