The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
