His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
