watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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