hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
