this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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