I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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