Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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