is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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