She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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