Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
