You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
