saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
