I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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