Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
