i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you made out with another girl for some wings
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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