I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
