Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
