You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
