im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dicks are not precious.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
