omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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