When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
