do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
