I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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