Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bring me that man meat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
