I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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