so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
