Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
