Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
