you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
