Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
