so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
