I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
