Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
