I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
