Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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