I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
