I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
