At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
