I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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