The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
