you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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