i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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