Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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