sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
