She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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