one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
