My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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