yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
