As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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